July 18, 2007
To Constantine Cavafy
You once said that if my thoughts remain lofty, I can overcome any obstacle that blocks my way. But what now Constantine, my Ithaca is nowhere in sight and my mind has ceased to remain lofty. After being subjected to numerous Lestrygonians and seemingly insurmountable cyclops, my soul is now in despair. I used to have the stars to ease my qualms and troubles but they are exhausted just as well. They have already lost their luster and now the nights seem so endless. How can a tiny ray of illumination shine through the dark layer of clouds that relentlessly stifle it. What do I do now Constantine? I’ve no more ebony, mother-of-pearl or amber as of the moment. Tell me now if this long road I’ve prayed for is really the one that I should take. But it’s too late for that for in my obstinacy, I have already set out. Still… please tell me where to go. Show me what to do. You were brave and full of courage while I am running out of hope. You were full of knowledge and wisdom while my mind has grown weary.Tell me Constantine, has God finally turned His back on me? Is this a punishment from the heavens? Is this a suffering that I must endure for choosing the same path as Elizabeth Barett Browning? For seeing the world through her eyes and feeling all that she once felt? Is it truly my destiny to be a lonesome traveler wondering about the road not taken? I wish you could speak now Constantine so you’d comfort me and soothe my soul. It’s crying out in agony. Tell me what to do if I have two Ithacas in sigh. Show me how I will go about my journey so that I may set out the soonest time possible. I am so lost. Even Vincent seems to see the darkness in my soul for we were under that same sky when he painted that starry starry night. Now no stars cheer me up. Will I ever see the dawn of a new day?
Posted by bisson_rheum on July 18, 2007 at 10:34 AM | come fly with me
